"guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. " Psalm 24:5
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
... hope and faith must be our foundation...Though this week was full of ups and downs, we trust God will provide us the child He has for our family in His perfect timing!
The week began with a call from the social worker at Bethany, letting us know that they would allow us to take the adoption training classes online. Bethany was the agency we initially felt led to use. However, a huge barrier with us and Bethany was the inability to really begin the process until there was another couple that could attend the adoption training classes with us. The obstacle was removed...right as we were approved with another wonderful, but slightly more expensive, agency. After some discussion and prayer, Warren and I decided to submit our complete application to Bethany and begin the online classes. Financially, this seems to be the more realistic option for us...we are so thankful to see the ways God is providing!!
With the good news of the barrier being removed, there came some heartache on Wednesday. I haven't told too many people, but in the past month, there have been three "situations" with birth mothers that have presented themselves...two were brought to me by my new, sweet, friend who is also in the process of adoption with her husband...and another was brought to us by a friend locally. I have tried to not get "emotionally" involved in these prospects--but it is so hard to guard your heart...especially as a woman...it kind of took me back to the time before Warren proposed--in my mind I frequently planned out our wedding and would visualize our life together...often having to snap myself back into the reality that I had yet to see a ring on my finger! :) That is kind of how it has been with these situations. The first and the last options I feel I did pretty good with, but I was extremely tearful Wednesday when I found out the second birth mother we had connected with crossed us off her list after finding out I was planning on working two or three days a week after we have a child. I was crushed...and immediately went into defense mode---planning out a way to email her my exact schedule, how I plan on having a nanny stay at our house with our child, and the benefits of my working two days a week. But, then I took a breath, and remembered...God is in control...I don't have to explain or defend my case to anyone...and if these were the babies (she is pregnant with twins) God had for us, it would not have bothered her that, as of now, I plan on working a couple days a week. So, I emailed her some things I was praying for her and encouraged her as she, in my opinion, is engaging in one of the most selfless acts...
...Our hope is in God...not in us being the "perfect" couple so a mother will choose us...My hope is in the one who already knows the child we will love...who already sees that we will not be perfect parents...but, who knows we will strive to make Him the center of our family. We don't see what the future holds...We have no way of seeing what child we will hold...but, we are trusting in the One who does!