This Sunday, our church services will focus on just that...empty arms..individuals and couples who have dealt with the loss of a child, miscarriage, or infertility. This time last year, I do not know if I could have made it through such a service. However, now that I feel God has brought us to a place of healing and has shown us His plans to begin our family through adoption, I am so thankful that the leaders of our church have chosen to focus on this topic that many do not cover...but yet, a topic on which so many couples suffer!
I have never known the loss of miscarriage or the death of a child...and some might say our loss is not really a "loss" at all. However, I know and firmly believe that grieving the loss of the child we never had is real and valid. Every month for two years, I grieved...I cried out to God...I begged Him to take away our pain...and to provide us with a child to love. But, the pain remained and we were left without a child. I could not understand why God would not want us to have this good thing...why He would not want our family to grow. Then, my thoughts turned inward and I began comparing myself to others who seemed to have no problem conceiving. As that continued, I began to feel like less of a woman. I started to believe a complete lie that there must be something wrong with me as a female and this was the reason I was unable to conceive a child (even after the doctors could not find a reason for our infertility). Once I dealt with my identity issues, I was attacked with another lie that I allowed myself to believe...that because of this "list" I had put together in my mind of "good things" I had done I, therefore, "deserved" a child. Wow...thankfully, God got a hold of me and I was reminded (in a loving and gracious way that only comes from God) that I do not deserve ANYTHING, but death and separation from Him...but, through Christ I have the opportunity to have eternal life and joy on this earth. God does not "owe" me anything!
I wonder how many other women suffering with infertility have believed such lies. I wonder how many women and couples dealing with infertility never open up about their struggles. I found that one of the ways God helped me get through our grief was by talking about it...with those that understood my pain and with family and friends that maybe did not understand, but were willing to listen. I am so grateful for those God put in my life at that time...I long to be used to offer the same encouragement and support to others ...God is a good...He gives us exactly what we need when we need it. Only He know best the plans for our lives.