Friday, January 14, 2011

To be comforted... what most of us who have suffered with infertility desire. Unfortunately, the definition of "comfort" differs from person to person. After my last post, I received a sweet email asking if I might share what comforted me during our infertility and what actions or words served to be hurtful/less comforting. The emotional aspect of infertility is such a tricky thing. Some people who have been without means of birth control and trying to conceive for six months may never feel "infertile." Others, like me, felt infertile and began the emotional battle of the journey month ONE after a failed attempt to conceive. So, if you have a friend of whom you know is trying to conceive, one of the best (and easiest) things to do is ask how she is doing and ask for permission to check in with her every so often regarding her infertility. Then, listen to her share what she is willing to divulge. Some people may never want to talk about their infertility...However, I was so incredibly grateful to have friends that would call or question me out of the blue.

I'm sure the common belief may be, "Well, I don't want to bring up infertility with my friend or family member b/c I don't want to remind them of the pain they are going through." Let me just tell you, those of us who have suffered with infertility (or miscarriage, adoption loss, loss of a child) ARE in pain...every day, every hour, every minute. For most of us, the loss and grief never leave our minds. It hurt me more when my friends did not ask me about our difficulty conceiving...So, don't be afraid to check in with your friend or loved one...but, first make sure they are fine with you doing so.

I know I have shared about the book Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake...I absolutely LOVE this book as it has been such an encouragement to me over the past two years. In the book, she labels the friends and family members of those suffering with infertility as "burden bearers." I think that is such a fitting description! Those of us undergoing infertility, miscarriage, the loss of a child, and/or adoption loss really need burden bearers in our lives. We cannot go through this alone! So, please check in with us regularly...and then listen to what we are willing to share! ...more to come later on how to help comfort those suffering with infertility...

(on a side note...I wanted to share a link to this blog post that I felt covered a great deal on what NOT to say to those suffering with infertility)


  1. jill, thanks so much for sharing your heart!

  2. I could not have said it better myself and would really love to share this post on my blog. I've felt a lot of the same way but cannot find the words to say it as well as you have. I guess I still worry more about others feelings though sometimes it definitly feels like others arent'. Some just don't understand the anxiety that is felt when a pregnancy or birth is announced.

  3. Please share away, Jordan! Infertility is a difficult place...and it is hard to understand unless it is something you have went through! I have had some of the most wonderful friends who have been extremely kind and sensitive to me during their "announcements" and it has meant SO very much!