We all have something we are waiting on...whether it is a proposal from "the one," bedtime to roll around, a career move, a hopeful prognosis from the doctor, vacation, retirement, ...the list could go on...right? For the past two years, Warren and I have been waiting on God to provide us a child.
We have heard it time and time again from people that have children, or have raised multiple children , that tell us, "Just enjoy this time alone...because it will never be the same." While I'm positive life as we know it will change completely, it's hard to describe to those that have never experienced infertility that we can't wait for our lives to be different. We look forward to chasing a toddler around the house, taking our child to fifteen million birthday parties, going to the the baseball games (or whatever it is that may capture their interest). We get excited to think about the crying and laughing that will be heard throughout our home! God has placed a longing in our hearts for a child.
I have so often questioned why, if God placed this desire in our hearts, He would not allow us to conceive (even after numerous medical interventions). Several weeks ago, after a couple of sleepless nights of struggling with this very question, I began reading a book that was recommended to me called Adopted for Life. Through this book, I was convicted that adoption didn't need to be our "last resort"...and that God was calling us to adopt now. It became clear to me that maybe this was God's plan for us all along...that our family was not supposed to start naturally, but rather through providing a loving home to a child who may otherwise never know such! While talking to a friend, I further realized that for the first year and a half of our infertility, I was begging God to allow us to conceive...to help us become pregnant. However, around May of this year, my heart began longing to love a child and my prayer changed to..."Lord, give us a child to love..." I know this was God preparing my heart for adoption. Thankfully, I have the most wonderful husband...and with the prayer support of our family and some wonderful friends, Warren was completely on board with beginning the process of adoption!
But, unfortunately, the wait continues. Today I was informed by our caseworker at Bethany Christian Services that we are the only couple right now with their office beginning the process. Therefore, we cannot begin adoption training until they get another couple to go through it with us. This is a six week training we MUST complete (through their agency) before having our home study. We will not be able to be viewed by potential mothers until our home study is complete. We are slightly discouraged, but are clinging to the verse that has been our source of strength all along:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
His plans are so much better than ours! The enemy wants me to be discouraged...wants me to believe that we will never see a child come into our family. But, I trust in God's plan and His timing...even when it is difficult to see or understand why things happen the way they do. So, we continue to pray for strength and wisdom during the wait..