First...

^4-9 God is higher than anything and anyone,
      outshining everything you can see in the skies.
   Who can compare with God, our God,
      so majestically enthroned,
   Surveying his magnificent
      heavens and earth?
   He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,
      rescues the wretched who've been thrown out with the trash,
   Seats them among the honored guests,
      a place of honor among the brightest and best.
   He gives childless couples a family,
      gives them joy as the parents of children.
   Hallelujah!

Psalm 113:5-9

Tomorrow is of our FIRST adoption interview with our caseworker at Bethany...Maybe I should be more prepared...because honestly I do not know what to expect! Regardless, we are so excited...so thankful that we are progressing...and so ready to meet the child God will bless us with raising!


Last weekend was our FIRST visit to Athens, GA for the UT/UGA game...

I'm still not really sure what the deal is with the arch...but we took our picture under it anyway :)

Tailgating with Shaun and Bethany...our sweet friends/trip-roomies

Finally, today was my FIRST time to watch a show about teenage mother...if you know me, you know I'm a reality TV junkie. However, I have never allowed my self to watch shows regarding babies (16 and pregnant, Teen Mom, etc.) because in the past it has just been too hard as I've struggled with anger and disappointment over our infertility. However, as I was flipping channels last night, I saw that there was an episode partly focusing on the first visit between two birth parents and the adoptive parents/child...so I quickly pressed record!... Lately, I have been thinking alot about what kind of relationship we will have with our birth mother. And, quite honestly, I never thought this show would conjure up so many deep thoughts and emotions, :) but as tears were streaming down my face God continued to clarify several things for me...

1. I desire (if possible) us to have a healthy relationship with our birth parents. The more Warren and I talk about adoption, and the more couples we speak with who have adopted domestically, the more we see the benefit of having an open (or semi-open) adoption. Granted, our birth mother may not want anything to do with us or the child after delivery...and we will respect that. However, with healthy boundaries in place, I would love nothing more than for baby Gorman to know their birth parents...to know he/she is loved by so many people...loved so much that someone sacrificed for them...which leads me to...

2.  Adoption is one of the most selfless things a mother can do! I know I will never understand the extent of this act...but I hope to never grow insensitive to the amount of pressure and emotional strain placed on birth parents. What a huge sacrifice they are making..to place the well-being of the child before their own wants and desires. I am praying now for our birth parents...that God will grant them needed wisdom and strength.

Ultimately, my hope is in this...

 He gives childless couples a family,
      gives them joy as the parents of children.
   Hallelujah!

Approved...

***Warning***
My brain is a little foggy...work has been a little overwhelming lately and I did not get much sleep last night. Though it is only 9:30PM...my body feels as if it is 2AM. Therefore, I apologize if this post seems jumbled, too short, or if I am leaving any important details out! :)

This past Tuesday we received a wonderful email from Bethany Christian Services telling us we have been APPROVED into the Domestic Infant Adoption Program! Next week we should hear more information regarding the online adoption training classes and our home study paperwork. My heart is so full! Every day I feel more and more blessed that we are able to go through this process of adoption. God has adopted us as children...and Warren and I get the opportunity to adopt one of God's children...to hopefully be a picture of His grace...with the aim of glorifying Him. I feel like I could say so much more (and actually have typed and deleted a couple of paragraphs), but my foggy brain is not allowing me to clearly express the joy that is in my heart!

At the beginning of this process, I was a little frustrated at how much it cost to adopt a child. Though it is much less expensive if the adoption is private (meaning you connect with your own birth mother), an agency adoption is costly for several reasons...they provide counseling (pre and post placement) to the birth mother, have their own legal and accreditation fees, most have several personnel to support, etc.

To offset some of these costs, we are having an adoption fundraiser yard sale October 23rd. My sister, who is a photographer, has graciously agreed to "raffle off" a mini-session that will include a 20 minute photo shoot and a cd of 15-20 high resolution edited photos. The raffle will begin on October 23rd and will end October 30th where the winner's name will be drawn.

God has called us to this...and, therefore, we trust completely that he will provide the funds we need! We look forward to seeing what He is going to do...and we can't wait to bring baby Gorman home!

Hope...

"guide me in your truth and teach me,
       for you are God my Savior,
       and my hope is in you all day long. " Psalm 24:5

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

... hope and faith must be our foundation...Though this week was full of ups and downs, we trust God will provide us the child He has for our family in His perfect timing!

The week began with a call from the social worker at Bethany, letting us know that they would allow us to take the adoption training classes online. Bethany was the agency we initially felt led to use. However, a huge barrier with us and Bethany was the inability to really begin the process until there was another couple that could attend the adoption training classes with us. The obstacle was removed...right as we were approved with another wonderful, but slightly more expensive, agency. After some discussion and prayer, Warren and I decided to submit our complete application to Bethany and begin the online classes. Financially, this seems to be the more realistic option for us...we are so thankful to see the ways God is providing!!

With the good news of the barrier being removed, there came some heartache on Wednesday. I haven't told too  many people, but in the past month, there have been three "situations" with birth mothers that have presented themselves...two were brought to me by my  new, sweet, friend who is also in the process of adoption with her husband...and another was brought to us by a friend locally. I have tried to not get "emotionally" involved in these prospects--but it is so hard to guard your heart...especially as a woman...it kind of took me back to the time before Warren proposed--in my mind I frequently planned out our wedding and would visualize our life together...often having to snap myself back into the reality that I had yet to see a ring on my finger! :) That is kind of how it has been with these situations. The first and the last options I feel I did pretty good with, but I was extremely tearful Wednesday when I found out the second birth mother we had connected with crossed us off her list after finding out I was planning on working two or three days a week after we have a child. I was crushed...and immediately went into defense mode---planning out a way to email her my exact schedule, how I plan on having a nanny stay at our house with our child, and the benefits of my working two days a week. But, then I took a breath, and remembered...God is in control...I don't have to explain or defend my case to anyone...and if these were the babies (she is pregnant with twins) God had for us, it would not have bothered her that, as of now, I plan on working a couple days a week. So, I emailed her some things I was praying for her and encouraged her as she, in my opinion, is engaging in one of the most selfless acts...

...Our hope is in God...not in us being the "perfect" couple so a mother will choose us...My hope is in the one who already knows the child we will love...who already sees that we will not be perfect parents...but, who knows we will strive to make Him the center of our family. We don't see what the future holds...We have no way of seeing what child we will hold...but, we are trusting in the One who does!

Suprise!!!

Taking a little break from the adoption journey...we were able to spend a wonderful weekend with some great friends. Warren's birthday was yesterday and he was surprised times three as everyone came in at different points of the weekend! It all began Friday night...with Russ, Amy, Anna Claire, and Riley...

While I do no have the adequate time nor space to share the exact details of how Russ "surprised" Warren , I will say that it involved a loud knock, me being "held hostage" by Russ...

(reenactment) :)

...and a visit from the county sheriff (our neighbors thought Russ was a "prowler" b/c he was snooping around the house trying to get inside to scare Warren). But, rest assured no one was hurt and no one was in trouble with the law...just a simple prank gone array! :)

The next day...Hoosh and Leanne (our "unofficial" photographer) surprised Warren...

...and we spent the rest of the day watching football...

...playing with the Anna Claire, Riley, and Marley...

and eating...

Later that night, Jenn came!!

Warren took a vacation day and the boys played golf the next morning...

 and then we had brunch...

It was such a blessing that our precious friends took time out of their busy lives to help surprise Warren for his birthday. What a wonderful, refreshing weekend...

 

...and Marley was pooped :)

Being with Russ and Amy's babies this weekend just made my heart long even more for children! At one point, Warren fell asleep with Riley (the baby) on his stomach..it was such a precious moment (that I, unsuccessfully, tried to capture on camera)...I know he is going to be such an amazing father!

Not Alone...

Though we have only recently (in the past month and a half) started this journey, it has been so encouraging to know that we are not alone! Even in the past few weeks, I have been blessed with God bringing individuals across my path (those I had lost touch with as well as “friends of friends”) that have went through the process of infertility, those that have adopted children due to infertility, and those that have chosen to adopt first. I feel like (if it is possible) Warren and I fit into all three  of the above categories. At the beginning of our battle with “unexplained infertility” …which, by the way, I think God has a perfect explanation for…we saw adoption as a means to an end—a way to enlarge our family if nothing else was successful. But, God changed our hearts and we began to view adoption as our first priority…as the way God meant for our family to begin.

A wonderful book was recommended to me at the beginning of our infertility process two years ago…and has been such an encouragement!

I also have visited this website several times….which provides Christian based support for women undergoing infertility, pregnancy loss, early infant death, and adoption loss. There is also a forum you can join where you are put in instant contact with women all over the nation who are undergoing infertility or the loss of a child.

Sometimes, In the midst of my job (as I’m often surrounded by unwed teenage mothers that face unplanned pregnancies), it is encouraging to know there are hundreds, if not thousands, of women going through the same thing and desiring to glorify God in the midst of the heartache.

But, you know what? In reference to my first post…we all have trials…Mine may be different from yours, but I believe often we are all learning similar lessons of faith, trust, letting go of control over “our lives,” and realizing that God works EVERYTHING out for His good!

…Currently, as we fill out several other applications, Warren and I are in the middle of making decisions that feel slightly awkward. Do we choose to have a boy or a girl, or leave it open to whatever God provides? What about a child with special needs…Can we really say that we will absolutely NOT accept a child with a physical or mental handicap? …and the list goes on! How in the world do we make these decisions, most of which we would have no control over if the child was ours biologically?! We need prayer that we will listen, have peace, and be open to whatever God has for us! All the while, we are thankful that we are not alone on this journey…we have our heavenly Father who has provided us with a peace that words do not adequately described, we have a wonderful family, amazing friends, and have received wisdom from individuals that have been where we want to be…with a child to love in their arms!

Moving...

...forward in faith, we have decided to put in our application with another agency. Since Monday, we had been praying that one of the following would happen:

a) God would quickly provide another couple to join us in our adoption training
b) God would work on the caseworkers heart to be open to having training with only us
c) God would give us a peace about traveling to Atlanta once a week for six weeks on Tuesday nights
Or...
d) God would give us a peace about moving on with another agency or organization

Through much prayer and various phone conversations, we feel like option "d" was the best decision for us. While Warren and I understand that, with agency, the process is going to be long...we feel like with another agency there may not be as many barriers. Isn't it amazing that when God gives you a peace about something, and when He is in the middle of it, things just fall right into place? It took us a good week to even begin working on our formal application for the first agency we were pursuing. But, when we felt a peace about going another direction, we completed the other agency's application in a couple of hours!! Our "new" agency (pending approval) is probably about $10,000 more than the one we were pursing originally...which is why I initially had not wanted to apply with them. Now I'm wondering if it was my lack of trust in God to provide that made me cross them off my list?!

Unfortunately every time I think about the cost of adoption, I feel a tightness in my throat and anxiety begins welling up within me. But, could this be yet another way God is going to teach me to let go and trust Him to work in ways I would never think possible?? A friend (and fellow camp counselor in college) I had lost touch with, recently posted on my facebook and shared a verse she claimed during their adoption journey...

"For with God, nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37

...I love that. Warren and I cannot make any of this happen on our own. Only God can put together all of the pieces of this puzzle...and He will!

The Wait...

We all have something we are waiting on...whether it is a proposal from "the one," bedtime to roll around, a career move, a hopeful prognosis from the doctor, vacation, retirement, ...the list could go on...right? For the past two years, Warren and I have been waiting on God to provide us a child.

We have heard it time and time again from people that have children, or have raised multiple children , that tell us, "Just enjoy this time alone...because it will never be the same." While I'm positive life as we know it will change completely, it's hard to describe to those that have never experienced infertility that we can't wait for our lives to be different. We look forward to chasing a toddler around the house, taking our child to fifteen million birthday parties, going to the the baseball games (or whatever it is that may capture their interest). We get excited to think about the crying and laughing that will be heard throughout our home! God has placed a longing in our hearts for a child.

I have so often questioned why, if God placed this desire in our hearts, He would not allow us to conceive (even after numerous medical interventions). Several weeks ago, after a couple of sleepless nights of struggling with this very question, I began reading a book that was recommended to me called Adopted for Life. Through this book, I was convicted that adoption didn't need to be our "last resort"...and that God was calling us to adopt now. It became clear to me that maybe this was God's plan for us all along...that our family was not supposed to start naturally, but rather through providing a loving home to a child who may otherwise never know such! While talking to a friend, I further realized that for the first year and a half of our infertility, I was begging God to allow us to conceive...to help us become pregnant. However, around May of this year, my heart began longing to love a child and my prayer changed to..."Lord, give us a child to love..." I know this was God preparing my heart for adoption. Thankfully, I have the most wonderful husband...and with the prayer support of our family and some wonderful friends, Warren was completely on board with beginning the process of adoption!

But, unfortunately, the wait continues. Today I was informed by our caseworker at Bethany Christian Services that we are the only couple right now with their office beginning the process. Therefore, we cannot begin adoption training until they get another couple to go through it with us. This is a six week training we MUST complete (through their agency) before having our home study. We will not be able to be viewed by potential mothers until our home study is complete. We are slightly discouraged, but are clinging to the verse that has been our source of strength all along:


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9


His plans are so much better than ours! The enemy wants me to be discouraged...wants me to believe that we will never see a child come into our family. But, I trust in God's plan and His timing...even when it is difficult to see or understand why things happen the way they do. So, we continue to pray for strength and wisdom during the wait..